by CharCharChar (YouTube, Twitter, Blog)
A secret goodnight kiss
Next to red brick and ivy
I close my eyes
Blue sky to black
He’s using too much tongue
I don’t push him away
But it’s borderline gross
So I try not to think
I hold back, he pulls away
No words come to mind
My thoughts have fallen out
I’ve no plan for no spark
If only we could travel back
To before the strangeness of the kiss
To when I jumped at the normalcy of a boy’s interest
To before this nagging uncertainty began
The doubt caught hold of my heart
Pinned it down and latched on
Stripping away my light-hearted nature
Ripping up my picture perfect plan
I wish I hadn’t come out here
I need time to think this through
But he’ll be hurt if I push him away
My heart’s gone lumpy and bent out of shape
I can’t get rid of this feeling
Like constant ringing in my ears
I’m suffocating on unspoken words
I’m suffocating on his confused eyes
Two steeples, miles in between
Leaning in, but it’s risky
Flickering between yes and no
Supposedly an easy equation
I’m lost on a blank page
No pen strokes to guide me
I’ve lost myself in wanting to want him,
or anyone
Those bushes look safe
I could slip away
Become one with the green
But I know that won’t solve anything
Let’s take a step back and count to ten
Maybe he’ll want to be friends
I’m afraid of where this might lead
To be held at the whim of my emotions
But the romance never shows
No head over heels
A dreamy fog rolls over his eyes
I am alone in my guilty sobriety