spark.less

by CharCharChar (YouTube, Twitter, Blog)

A secret goodnight kiss

Next to red brick and ivy

I close my eyes

Blue sky to black
 

He’s using too much tongue

I don’t push him away

But it’s borderline gross

So I try not to think
  

I hold back, he pulls away

No words come to mind

My thoughts have fallen out

I’ve no plan for no spark
  

If only we could travel back

To before the strangeness of the kiss

To when I jumped at the normalcy of a boy’s interest

To before this nagging uncertainty began
   

The doubt caught hold of my heart

Pinned it down and latched on

Stripping away my light-hearted nature

Ripping up my picture perfect plan
   

I wish I hadn’t come out here

I need time to think this through

But he’ll be hurt if I push him away

My heart’s gone lumpy and bent out of shape
  

I can’t get rid of this feeling

Like constant ringing in my ears

I’m suffocating on unspoken words

I’m suffocating on his confused eyes
   

Two steeples, miles in between

Leaning in, but it’s risky

Flickering between yes and no

Supposedly an easy equation

  

I’m lost on a blank page

No pen strokes to guide me

I’ve lost myself in wanting to want him,

or anyone

Those bushes look safe

I could slip away

Become one with the green

But I know that won’t solve anything
  

Let’s take a step back and count to ten

Maybe he’ll want to be friends

I’m afraid of where this might lead

To be held at the whim of my emotions
  

But the romance never shows

No head over heels

A dreamy fog rolls over his eyes

I am alone in my guilty sobriety